A better day

Today was a better day than yesterday. It's true that each day is a new day. :o) Tyler & I talked it over and we have come up with a new lifestyle plan for me, well, actually, for our whole family which involves healthy food, drinking more water, and doing exercise as a family quite often - including family walks and time at the YMCA. I'm eager to begin this new plan and I feel that it will lead me to the success that I've been wanting. We hope to figure out the details of the plan this weekend and I should begin on monday. So, I went ahead and made these this morning, so I wouldn't be craving them when I start the new plan. ;o) Today I finished up some paperwork for the home study and mailed that, plus an ebay item that I sold.

I planted the square foot garden today: zucchini, cantaloupe, tomatoes, cucumbers, jalapeños, carrots, romaine, spinach, beets, sage, parsley, basil, oregano, sugar snap peas, onions, & broccoli. I didn't know how much I enjoyed gardening until we put together our square foot garden last summer. I've been anticipating the day to plant and it's finally here! :o)

Today

This morning I went on-base to meet with the doctor. I needed my thyroid prescription refilled, a (wii) tennis elbow brace and some information on any weight loss programs offered on-base. I got the prescription refilled with a blood lab ordered (oh joy) and my (wii) tennis brace, but they said they only offer nutritional classes (which I've already taken - they didn't help me). Then I drove to Columbus (over an hour away) for my voice lesson - but she wasn't at home, so I drove back home. (She later called and apologized profusely) Then I had my physical therapy and the machine kept having problems, which was a bit annoying - but I did some reading (yes, you read that right - READING) in an adoption book that I checked out from the library.

I was signed up to substitute teach tomorrow in a middle school, but Tyler realized that he has a PT test in the morning - so I called to cancel subbing. (I'm not too upset about that, let me tell you) I took Anna to the park this evening and Maggie is such a friendly dog - she kept running off after other people. I'm not in the best of shape and certainly can't keep up with an energetic puppy! Needless to say, we didn't stay too long at the park. Anna recently learned how to do the monkey bars and she LOVES it. I'm proud of how quickly she learned it and how strong she is! :o)

Now I'm doing laundry and trying to not think about the dishes in the kitchen that need to be done. I'm craving these but keep trying to ignore the ever-increasing cravings while trying to tell myself that I really just want a big bowl of broccoli. Oh yeah. On the upside, I found a babysitter for Anna on friday - because we're going to the Temple, plus I spoke with the placement adoption agency and things are moving on the dossier - so that's good. We're also having another garage sale this saturday to raise some funds for the adoption. Some good things are happening, which is nice. :o)

Back to the beginning

Most of my trials I wouldn't mind having - except for the weight issues. I cannot describe to you how insurmountable the task is that I have before me. I need to lose 150 pounds. 150! Not 5 or 10 or 20, but 150 pounds. I don't know anyone who is trying to lose that much weight and with so many other struggles that I'm having right now - it's more overwhelming than ever. If you're not up for reading some emotional venting of mine - then this might be a good blog post to skip.

You've been warned.

Where was I? Oh yes, 150 pounds to lose. How could I forget. It was in 5th grade when I realized that I weighed more than the other kids. The school nurse had all the kids in my class come out into the hall and be weighed. Looking back, that was a pretty embarrassing way to do that. Anyhow, I weighed about 20 pounds more than the other kids. That was my first mental acknowledgement of being overweight. As the years went on, so did the pounds. By high school I weighed about 240 pounds. In college I had one great semester where I took a nutritional science course and took up raquetball. I lost 40 pounds that semester and it was so awesome! But that success couldn't last - because I simultaneously developed sleep apnea and gallbladder issues. So, I had to drop school, because all I could do was sleep and have pain. Then my stepdad died. Then some other crummy stuff happened to me. By the time that Tyler & I were engaged - I weighed 300 pounds. 3 months into marriage, I became pregnant at 309 pounds. When I gave birth I weighed 355 pounds. Yeah. I managed to lose some of that weight (thankfully) and I'm now at 330 pounds where I seem to be maintaining. I get up all my willpower, begin the SBD (south beach diet) and lose up to 15 pounds, then something happens, I get sick or I injure myself and somehow I get off the diet and then I'm back to 330 pounds. It's so frustrating, I can't even tell you! I feel like such a failure because I haven't been able to beat this weight trial for my entire life! My doctors on-base are now suggesting weight loss surgery which that doesn't feel right. I don't know what else to do. I have strong faith in God that I can overcome this trial, I just don't know how, exactly. And with each failure, I feel like it's further and further away. I dream that one day I will finally enjoy a healthy body like so many others have. It's just so hard.

Stuff going on

So, I haven't posted in a while - we've been pretty busy. Tyler was in Hawaii last week and it was hard not having him home - plus we all wish we could have gone to Hawaii, too!!! Anyhow, he's home now and we couldn't be happier to have him here. :o) Last night we were going over finances and realized that we cannot afford our summer trips to Utah & Oklahoma. We're quite upset about it. We made those plans previous to our decision to adopt - and now we're so financially strapped from that alone, we just cannot afford another $1500 for those 2 fun trips. And we're sad to upset our family members by not going - but our number one priority right now is to help bring our twins home. And we have to make financial sacrifices to do that. How can we pray for God's help to finance this adoption if we don't make sacrifices ourselves? Anyhow, we're sad about it - but you're all welcome to come visit us here in Ohio!!! (please come!)

We're still doing infertility. I met with the doctor yesterday and he talked about weight loss. He even mentioned surgical methods. I'm not a fan of surgery, yet I can see that I need help in this weight loss struggle. My friend mentioned some success that she is having while attending a medical weight loss clinic, and that idea sounds good to me - but it costs money. *sigh* I wish we didn't struggle with money so much - I love that our family is in the military and I'm proud that we are defending our country, but we would make a LOT more money outside the military. Don't get any ideas - we're not leaving or anything, it's just that I want (read: need) to lose weight - otherwise I won't be around to see my kids grow up and this weight loss clinic idea feels right to me.

Tyler brought some souvenirs back for us from Hawaii. He bought Anna 3 shirts, one of which said: "Someone who really loves me gave me this t-shirt from Hawaii." Tyler asked Anna to read this shirt outloud. She read: "Someone who really loves me gave me this t-shirt from Hell." :D

惡作劇之吻

This is what I watched today. Marie & I finished up the 30 episodes of "It Started With A Kiss" or 惡作劇之吻 this afternoon. It's a taiwanese tv show which is currently in it's second season "They Kiss Again" or 惡作劇2吻.
Synopsis:
After an earthquake destroyed Xiang Qin's house, she and her father moved in with the family of her father's college buddy, Uncle Ah Li. To her surprise, the kind and amicable aunt and uncle are the parents of her cold and distant schoolmate Jiang Zhi Shu, a genius with an IQ of 200 whom not too long ago rejected her endless crush on him. Will the close proximity give her a second chance to win Zhi Shu's heart? Or, will her love for him end under his cold words? What happens when there is competition for his heart?

I really enjoyed the tv show - it's in mandarin and there are english subtitles. It refreshed my mind of the chinese that I have learned and helped me become interested in the chinese culture again. Let's face it, in Ohio, there's not very man things to remind me about it! ;o)


This afternoon Anna's friend, Kira, came over to play and I did some more straightening around the house. The social worker is coming on Sunday to evaluate us and I want the house to be CLEAN! It's not an easy task to have every room in your house clean at once, but I'm trying. Tomorrow I'm doing another liver cleanse. Fun stuff. I just love a good ol' cup of epsom salts. Oh yeah.

Pollyanna

I had my voice lessons today - russian is hard to pronounce! I'm working on a russian piece and also a czech piece. I'm excited for them! I'm trying to ocme up with an idea for a recital to help raise money for our adoption. I also had physical therapy today. The pt said to not use the sling, but rather get a tennis brace for my arm. I hope to get one soon - I think it will help my elbow heal faster.

Quick vent: I like to think positively. All the time. I don't even like considering any unhappy scenario. I know that this is very unrealistic, but it's the way that I think. I've had some people mention to me how difficult this adoption is going to be and HOW HARD it will be for the kids to adjust...blah blah blah. I'm tired of hearing the negative - all I can think about it how much love I already have for these precious kids and I can't wait to bring them here and show them how much they are loved. I wish they were here now with me. :o)

Have you seen Disney's Pollyanna? It's a movie that I watched when I was growing up. Anna & I are going to have a movie night once a week - watching the Court Jester last week was what gave me the idea. I checked out Pollyanna at the library and we watched it tonight. I think it was a bit beyond her, but she enjoyed what she could understand, I think. I, however, was crying off & on throughout the movie. My period came on monday and so today was my first day back on the injections. *sigh* I didn't realize how emotionally difficult it is to do the injections until this cycle. I've been emotional all evening and I have HUGE cravings for comfort food. It doesn't help that Tyler's not here to be with me. Back to the movie - it's such a great idea, playing "The glad game" and trying to always see the positive in every situation. I explained the game to Anna and she seemed to be really excited about it. I hope it will help her to deal with unpleasantries in life.

Geography taught by our would-be president

Hey Philip, you studied geography...did you know that?