Keith's dream

Keith will be 10 years old in a few months. We recently hit a day where we have had Keith in our family longer than he was in the orphanage in Ukraine. Keith is my eldest son. He is a tenderhearted boy. For some time, Keith has preferred Tyler to me. It is a typical stage of life where a child prefers one parent to another, but Keith always chooses his Daddy over his Mama. An example would be that when we sit down to read scriptures, he doesn't want to sit next to me - he asks to sit by his Daddy or anyone else, for that matter. For the most part, I have accepted this - I mean, Keith is a boy and it only makes sense that he would prefer a man - but it also makes me sad, as I do the majority of the nurturing and caring for Keith.

There have been a few times that it has come out how Keith feels about me. One time, I was driving with Valerie to Time Out For Women. It was in Indianapolis and I would be gone about two days. On the drive, Tyler called to tell me something that Keith has said. Apparently, Keith had a meltdown and was sitting down crying. When Keith is upset, he will generally try to cheer himself up by saying words such as "propeller" or "train" or "Chinook helicopter." Tyler was sitting with him as he said several words, but in the middle of this list, Keith said: "I miss mama!" It brought tears to my eyes when I realized that although he doesn't verbalize it or even like to sit with me, Keith needs me to bring balance and peace to his world.

Last week was a hard week for Keith. He had more meltdowns than usual and they usually happened before bedtime. One of the nights, I was holding him and talking with him. He told me that he didn't want for me to die. Startled, I asked him why he thought I was going to die. He said that he had a dream that I was in a plane that crashed and that I died. His face was so sad and I could tell that it really bothered him to imagine losing me. This again brought tears to my eyes. In Keith's mind, airplanes and helicopters and trains are the most important thing. But somehow, I have managed to be on that list, too, and I know that Keith loves me.

For your viewing pleasure, a video of Keith from 2009. I think this was about 6-9 months after we had adopted him. Isn't he adorable?

Here is Keith now. He is really growing up.