Help outfit Michael, Sarah, and John

Thursday, January 17, 2008

My heart aches

So, on Sunday my period will officially be 2 weeks late. My cycle works like clockwork - 4 weeks to the day. A week and a half ago I took a home pg test: negative. Last week I took another one: negative. Today - still no period - I went on base and took another pg test: negative. It's not hard to believe that I'm not pregnant when my period comes when it's supposed to - but when it doesn't come, I begin to be hopeful. When I found out that today's test was negative (they called me with the results) I just cried, and I've been crying on & off throughout the day/evening. My eyes are all puffy now. *heavy sigh* I had a wonderful evening with Anna, despite my tears. We watched The Chipmunk Adventure (old school) and I cried during it - and not in normal spots, just random parts of the movie caused me to become emotional and cry. I asked Tyler to give me a blessing - it said that we're not meant to know all things. *deep heavy sigh* I need to increase my faith that God will take care of me and that what he wants for me will happen. I just need to be patient.

1 comment:

Kathey said...

I am so sorry. Been there. Done that. Don't like it one bit. Even though it's been many years since I went through that, I can still remember what it felt like. You have a right to cry and feel crummy about it. Well, you're right if you're saying it's not good to stay there, and it's not, but allow yourself to grieve. Your mama heart wants another little one to wrap itself around, so it's OK to feel bad.

My husband says I'm really good at taking 3 paragraphs to say what could be expressed in one sentence. What I'm trying to say is that you have a right to feel your feelings.

Frankly sometimes patience is just a little bit over rated. :-)

Love, Kathey