Help outfit Michael, Sarah, and John

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Tender Mercy

I would describe myself as a positive person. I don't deal with depression, I don't think, but I do become melancholy every few months or so. I remember back to after we adopted the twins in 2008. Iryna's behaviors were highly difficult and it was TOUGH going from 1 well behaved child to 3 children, two of which requiring lots of care. After about 4 months, I went on antidepressants. I needed something to make it through and they seemed to help me. When we decided to adopt again, I learned that you cannot be on antidepressants while adopting, so I weaned off of them. Afterwards, I realized that I was able to feel the Holy Ghost stronger than I had before. This realization prompted me to decide not to go back on antidepressants in the future. I figured that having the Holy Ghost's influence was more important than my feeling happier in general. I don't claim that this is true for everyone, just for myself.

A few days ago I began to feel really low. My menstrual cycle is quite late and I began again, like so many others months in the past 11 years, to wonder if I would be pregnant. After taking a test for three weeks in a row and receiving negative readings, it began to take its toll on my attitude. Throw in some nausea, which ended up being abdominal gas (so painful), and also seeing my weight slowly climbing up on the scale...I was a wreck. I usually cry a little every 2-3 days, but these past few days I have been sobbing until my eyes were puffy. One night, I spent some time in my room reading my scriptures, crying, and praying. I didn't feel anything or any sort of direction. So I just struggled onward, doing what I could to take care of my family and myself.

Yesterday, my abdominal pains were out of control. I ended up taking a nap on the couch and was pretty much out of commission all evening. My good husband took care of things and I had to simply ignore the messy state of our home. This morning I woke up and was feeling much better. I got on the scale and saw that my weight was coming back down. I felt like I was climbing out of the melancholy, at last. Such a tender mercy from The Lord.

This prompts me to think about ways to buoy myself and others up when we are feeling low. Sometimes nothing seems to help. But, this talk helps me feel better:

I listened to some music from Hilary Weeks, too. I find her lyrics inspired and I feel like I get my priorities more straight when listening to her music. Another thing that has helped me is reaching out to a few select people. I am learning that I do not like to talk much when I am feeling low, but texting is good. I am able to share how I am feeling and not worry about blubbering on the phone. The last thing I want to mention is patience. I am learning that when I feel melancholy, that it will most likely last 1-3 days, and that is okay.

I would enjoy hearing other ways that you build yourself up when you feel down. I know that God doesn't mean for us to go through trials alone. I am grateful for friendship and tender mercies.


Annie said...

Keep serving others! It always makes me feel better to help someone else.

Annie said...

I like to read books too. Get a Calvin & Hobbes book and keep it handy. Funny stuff!