Heart Stopping Moment

Anna & I went to the YMCA around 9am this morning. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, followed by 20 minutes of arm weights & 10 minutes on the elliptical. Great workout. The kids played on the mats afterwards. I came home and began baking/cooking b/c the missionaries were coming over for dinner tonight--or so I thought--so I made a 3 layer strawberries & cream cake, homemade lasagne, etc...around 1pm, I thought I should probably confirm that the missionaries were still coming--although, everything for the meal was already done at that point--I left a message and continued on with my day which included playing some games with Anna and getting her ready for her big night: Madison's birthday party at the Rec Center followed by a sleepover at Leia's house. The Rec Center had a pool area for kids and I hadn't found any flip flops/sandals for Anna yet, so we made a quick trip to the goodwill down the road while the lasagne was baking. For $1.99 I found some Disney Princess sandals just in Anna's size--can you believe it??? They even light up like Anna's Disney Princess "fast shoes" do. Incredible that I only paid $1.99 for them--they're in great condition, too! Anyhow, when I got back from goodwill, I checked our messages and heard a message from the missionaries saying that they weren't able to make it for dinner....oh, my...I have this HUGE cake in the fridge and a lasagne baking...oh well. This completely changed our evening--I had made arrangements for Anna to go to the birthday party with Leia who would be taken by her mom BECAUSE the missionaries were coming over for dinner. So our plans changed, but everything was already in order for Anna to go so I didn't change the plans I'd made with Sarah. Tyler & I worked in the garden putting down grass seed and preparing our square garden to be planted. We got a call from Trent & Valene inviting us over for some games. We played SCUM and it was really fun. Halfway through, Tyler got my cell phone from the car and I saw 2 missed calls from Sarah. UH-OH, I thought, what happened. I called her back and she started off by saying that everything was now okay but that Anna had been swimming at the party and had gone too deep in the water area even though she had been TOLD not to go that far, she went out with her friend, Sariah, and twice was helped out by some other adults and the THIRD time a lifeguard had to jump in & save her. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!! First of all, she knew not to go further into the deep end of the water and did anyways. Second of all...it made me feel like a lousy parent for not being there with her---watching her every second. I had previously spoken with Madison's mom & told her that I would not be attending the party and asked if that would be all right, to which she said it would be fine. Tyler says that I did everything right and was a careful parent concerning the whole situation. It just makes me sick that my sweet 5-year-old could have drowned this evening and I wasn't there to ensure it didn't happen. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father was watching out for her. I've heard of children drowning at birthday parties because people aren't paying attention--I'm grateful for those who did pay attention to my little Anna. Of course, I have mixed feelings about the whole situation--I'm frustrated that Anna didn't listen & obey the rules, but I'm so grateful & relieved that she's okay. If I'd known about what had happened earlier in the evening, I think I would have gone & brought Anna home from Leia's house and foregone the whole sleepover---she wasn't listening & obeying and it could have hurt her!!! My heart stops just thinking that she may have not lived through the night....sick, sick feeling. It hurts to be a Mom.