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Friday, July 06, 2007

It's all my fault

Tonights conversation went this way...

"It's all my fault, Mama."
"What's all your fault, Anna?"
"What does fault mean?"


This morning I rose and Anna & I did various things around the house. I did laundry, dishes, tidied my room, tidied the ever-needing-to-be-tidied C2 room, etc. Tyler came home and after dinner he took Anna outside to swim, where they are now. It's nice to have silence right now, besides my classical musical playing on the computer...

Well, I am considering the idea of going back to school. Don't fall out of your seats, people. Yes I realize that I graduated last year with my degree and shouted hooray because I was DONE. I graduated from Oklahoma State University with a liberal arts degree focusing in history and religion. While they are very fascinating subjects, they are not what I wanted a degree in. I've always wanted a music degree, in fact I started out as a music major. I completed 2 years of a music degree, passed the sophmore boards (an exam of performing 5-7 pieces of music), but decided that I didn't want to teach music education in the schools and I was afraid that if I didn't marry that I would have to do that unless I switched to another degree. So I switched to spanish and stayed in that until I got sleep apnea & gallstones--at the same time. I went home to recover, and then my stepdad died. Hence began my time away from school...until I returned in the fall of 2000. Tyler & I married in January 2001 and we both began taking classes...until we learned I was pregnant, so I withdrew because of morning sickness. I did eventually go back to school and wanted to do music but it had been so many years since I took music and I didn't want to retake or audit those classes so I asked my advisor: "Which degree can I get in the shortest amount of time??" Liberal arts was the answer--my music classes applied towards it as well.

LONG STORY SHORT: I want a music degree. I went back & forth on either getting another undergraduate degree in music or getting a masters in music. For the moment, I am looking to get a masters in music--if possible--I'm worried because I don't have an undergraduate degree in music (If I did, I wouldn't even be pursuing the masters) so I don't know how it will all work out. Anna will be going to school full-time this fall (all day kindergarten) and I will have more time on my this seems like the perfect time to pursue more schooling since I'm taking a break from fertility as well. So, please keep me in your prayers--I hope to be accepted in the music graduate program at a nearby college---the professor that I need to speak with is currently out of town, so I am eagerly awaiting her return so we can discuss options. We shall see.

The whole idea of obtaining a masters is intimidating. I've told myself so many times that I just wasn't meant for college, which really isn't true. My self esteem is low in that area, perhaps because I'm married to an ideal student? I don't know, but I want to improve my self esteem. Any ideas how?


Tuan's Princess said...

Def in my prayers that you'll get accepted! That is so exciting that you can do that. Go get 'em!

shannon said...

Hey Jill,
I lack confidence and self esteem in certain areas. The thing that has helped me to feel better about my inadequacies is to prepare and do everything I can to be my best. When I can't do anything more, I have to stop worrying about it and just pray that God will make up the rest. Whenever I do my part, the Lord magnifies my abilities and makes me look like a star. I have a great article by Henry B. that you can read. It's all about secular and sacred learning and what God does to expand our time! Love it! Good luck. you can certainly do anything you decide to and follow through on. Just look at the things you have done well on and remember what it took to get there.