Help outfit Michael, Sarah, and John

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Self control

Whenever I hear that a person has self control - I'm always impressed. That seems like a difficult feat for most people, at least in my opinion. Whether it's controlling their time management, their spending money, or eating - it's amazing that they have been able to overcome their temptations and have been able to control their desires, appetites, & passions. I want to have self control. For a long time I convinced myself that I didn't have an eating problem - that I really wasn't eating any more than anyone else. I fooled myself into believing it. Well, no more. I like to eat. Weighing around 320 pounds, it's an obvious fact. Food is good. And to make matters worse, I'm a good cook. I know how to cook/bake many wonderful recipes. And then I eat more than I should. I have a desire to become strong in this weakness. I want to know: what you have overcome? What desires, appetites, & passions have you gained control of in your life? How did you do it? If you would rather not share these answers on here, please email them to me at jilldpierce at yahoo dot com.

We've decided to keep Anna home until Monday. Her rash is already looking MUCH better. I went to a military spouse luncheon this afternoon. One of the wives is from India and is a certified yoga instructor. She's going to start teaching next week and will teach two 1 hour lessons a week. I'm eager to learn yoga - I think it will really help me connect with my body, teach me to breathe correctly, and lose weight. I've decided that I will be rededicating myself (once again) to the SBD on monday. For some reason - I have to start on a monday, no other day will work. :o)

I will begin my infertility injections tomorrow evening. I have discovered that I have allowed my weight to affect my worth - at least in my mind. Sometimes when I think about doing infertility procedures, I think that I'm too overweight to do it - that for some reason, since I'm overweight, I don't even deserve to try for baby #2. It's amazing what a downward spiral of thinking can happen when you don't even believe in your own worth. I'm happy to say that my views of myself are changing. I'm beginning to really know that I am a child of God. In the past I have let other people in my life determine how I should view myself - they didn't think an overweight person could be worthwhile. I want to shout out to the world and to myself, that I deserve to have another baby, that I am worthwhile, and that whether or not I ever lose this weight - I am a daughter of God and He loves me. He knows my name and he wants me to be happy. (cue: Rocky theme song) And while I'm thinking of it - thank you all who can see my worth, even when I'm unable to see it at times, and for those of you who can remind me of it from time to time. You're amazing. I love you all.

6 comments:

Melody said...

I think that for most Americans, money and spending are hard to control. My mom's family is from Japan. It is so amazing to see the huge difference between the two cultures. Japanese generally save at least 20% of their income. Being raised Japanese and American has been hard. I learned both ways and it is very difficult to save and be happy with my ratty old furniture, clothes, you name it, in a culture that leads us to believe we 'deserve' nicer things!

Saquel25 said...

I know that you don't read but Dr.Phil's book The Ultimate Weight Solution helps with exactly what you have been talking about. About believing in yourself and seeing yourself as you truly are. Dr.Phil has written it from the standpoint of our mind as he is not a dietician or anything like that. It has chapters entitled Right Thinking, Healing feelings, Mastery over food, Your cicle of support. If you haven't read it, you're welcome to borrow it. I found it extremely interesting and it's got a lot of little quizzes which I know you like:)

Misti said...

I don't believe I have self control, but Bruce does!! His new years resolution for 2007 was to loose 30 pounds. He satrted his "lifestyle cahnge" in January of last year and lost 40 pounds and hasn't gained any back. I said "lifestyle change" because it is not a diet. When I think of a diet it is something you do for a short while to reach a goal and then stop. If you are an over eater, as Bruce was, you have to know that you are changing your life. And the life of those around you I might add. Bruce did a motified Atkins diet. I say motified because he started out eating very few carbs, but now he eats more that the Atkins dies say to. He just makes sure that he only eats a single portion and eats lots of fresh veggie and fruits. He still doesn't eat much bread or pasta, but does "cheat" ONLY on the weekends and on holidays. I don't know if this helps, but you might sometimes feel you are alone in this struggle, but yopu are not. Most people didn't think Bruce could loose 40 pounds so this might come as a shock to you, but his body hides it well.
PS. I have had several friends that had gestational diabetes when they were pregnant and lost tons of weight just eating healthy. I hope you don't get that, but maybe you could still contiue some sort of diet while pregnant. and you might surprise yourself and actually loose weight eventhough the baby is gaining weight.

Melisa said...

Sorry I got so far behind. I need to have a "blog catch-up day".

Bummer about Romney, eh. Do what you want with the sign. We won't be needing it back unfortunately. :(

It was wonderful having you here. We'll see you in a few weeks!

Queen Mother said...

I'd have to agree with another poster about money. I also love to spend $$. On clothes for my boys, things for my house, and food. I love to eat out. I am not good at saving money.

Jill my darling, I wanted to tell you that you ARE worthy of another child. It about broke my heart to read that you feel you don't deserve it because you are overweight. That is the silliest thing I have ever heard. I've seen you with your daughter, you are an AMAZING mother and you and Tyler have one of the most incredible marriages I have ever witnessed-I strive to be like you guys in my marriage to my husband. What more could you need in a mother? A stable home, loving parents who love each other. Sweetie you WILL have another baby and you ALWAYS will deserve it.

April said...

Hi Jill,
I hope you get this. My name is April Teran and I am married to Alex's brother Paul. Marlene gave me your blog address. I have to say i enjoy the family members of yours I ahve met so far and look forward to meeting more this Friday at the wedding. The twins you want to adopt are way cute. I am a twin too! My twin chandra still lives in texas as do my parents! Well I will check in with your blogs again!