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Thursday, January 01, 2009

Loving Myself

***WARNING: Very personal and honest post ahead. You have been warned.***

Most people make New Year's Resolutions each year. I haven't taken this idea seriously until now. I have made a goal to lose 60 pounds this year. On Monday I will being Bob Greene's Total Body Makeover 12 week program. In reading his book, he talks about laying a solid emotional foundation before beginning the program. He believes that you should know why you overeat before you try to address it. After thinking about the questions he asks, I have concluded that part of the problem is that I struggle loving myself. I find it easy to love others - my husband, my children, my family & friends - but to love myself? Well, that's more difficult. I've been overweight since grade school and I have allowed myself to believe those nasty comments about how fat or worthless I am as a person because I was overweight. A year ago my dad gave me a priesthood blessing that said: "You should know that Jill loves Jill." How simple - but meaningful to me. Before then I hadn't realized that I didn't love myself. They say that "Knowledge is Power" and now that I am beginning to understand myself - I feel more empowered that I will finally gain success over my weight troubles and in turn, learn to love myself for who I am - not because of what I am.

I am trying to come up with some ways to show myself love. Here are a few ideas thus far:

  • Put lotion on everyday. I put lotion on my kids - but not on myself. Am I worth it to put lotion on? You bet!
  • Smile at myself in the mirror.
  • Take pictures of myself regularly and not groan about it.
  • Exercise
  • Eat healthy and realize that eating healthy IS loving myself as opposed to making & eating cookies.

I want to know how you show yourself love. Please share your ideas with me. I intend to learn from this realization!


Melisa said...

I love you! Great post, sweetie. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I'm in all kinds of counseling trying to figure out the same thing. lol

PirateZeta said...

I've never thought I was pretty... I struggled with that my whole life! There's always something that's not perfect, my weight, my nose (which has been broeken on multiple occassions), my hips, whatever... I had to learn to take compliments seriously. So when someone complimented me on something (physical) no matter what it was I wrote it down. That way I knew what my strengths were. Just a thought.... love you!

Rob and Steph Puterbaugh said...

first of the song by Celine Dion "Tell Him" on your profile.

As to the questions how do you show love to yourself... I take ME time. Take a Bath When everyone is in bed with some luxourious (spelling?) bath stuff...and while youre in the bath a book! That's what I do and it's soooooo relaxing! Also, before Rob and i go to bed we tell each other one thing that each of us did that day that showed love to one another and one thing why we love each other. HOpe it helps!

Dianah said...

When I was in high school, I did not look at myself in the mirror for at least one year. I know it may sound weird, but I had such low self esteem. Now, I struggle on self worth. I am the wrong person to ask about loving yourself. I think I need that book. My goal this year is to loose 20lbs in hopes that
I'll feel better about myself. I love the cookies and sweets not the gym and healthy eating. My husband is in great shape and it is always in t he back of my mind that he can have anyone, why me? Maybe we can do this together. Good luck!

nicole said...

Good for you, Jill! It sounds like you're already on your way to completing your goal! The first steps... the mental and emotional stuff is the toughest. Then it takes a little discipline, but pretty soon your sense of honor to your commitment becomes stronger than your appetites and passions. It's a constant battle, but you can do it! Thanks for being such an inspiration! :)

Sarah C said...

That was an awesome post. I feel the same way you do. I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions. Something I like to do to help myself feel better about me is having girl time with no kids. Let's try it. :) I would like to lose 70 pounds this year. We can do it. It sounds like you have a strong foundation to start your goal. Good job!

Queen Mother said...

You are beautiful already.

I guess the first thing, and I know you already know this, is to remember who you are and who you came from..that you're a daughter of God.

As far pampering myself, I make myself feel better about myself is to fix my hair and put on makeup everyday. Now, my idea of fixing my hair is not exactly's blow drying it to uphold my little bob haircut. And I wear make up every day. I dunno, just makes me feel better.

monicalrobbins said...

Hey Jill,
I appreciate your honesty in this post. I suffer from the same self-degradation and being unable to love myself for who I am now. It's a tough thing to overcome. I have also tried everything to lose the no avail. I will be praying for you in this..maybe you could pray for me, too?

Alabama Apples said...

I find it interesting how so many of us have encountered these feelings (or are currently feeling that way). It is obvious the adversary doesn't want us to overcome our struggles and realize we are worth a lot more than we generally feel-as mothers as women as housekeepers as cooks as lovers...the list goes on. I find that I go through cycles of this...I find I DO better when I am exercising. I also try to allow myself to have ME time. Where I relax in the tub, paint my nails, read a book all alone. I also love to go out and window shop for a couple of hours by myself. I just helps me to remember I have needs and I am important too. I don't have to sacrifice ALL of myself and time. Thank you for this post. It is a goal I have for myself as well. Not just to get in shape, but to truly appreciate who I am and working to become. Thanks!! Love you and love reading your blog!!!

Your kiddies are growing even cuter. I know is is all the love that is being showered on them!

Dirk and Trish said...

Take "me" time-and don't feel guilty for it. It's okay to take a bubble bath, read a fun book (with more than 12 pages), call a friend w/o interruptions, paint your nails, do a craft, whatever you enjoy but don't usually allow yourself time for. Granted this requires help, but it's also a great way for DH to be supportive.

Rocky Mtn. Girl said...

What a wonderful post and I couldn't help but seeing how much positive energy is in this and I feel so happy and for you here. I am so excited for you and I cannot wait to see what you can do!
Good luck.
You go girl!!!
I KNOW you can do it!

Anonymous said...

You are wonderful!

Ticklemedana said...

performing and modeling have really helped me love myself more...doing things I'm good at like directing and teaching...being friends with good people who tell me how awesome I am...

shannon said...

Writing down my little every day triumphs helps me to realize that I am a good Mom, wife, housekeeper, whatever the case may be. I often give myself less credit that I should for the good things I do and dwell more on the bad things. I guess I just feel so guilty. Keeping this little log has helped me to see that the good does actually outweigh the bad. It keeps my perspective in line with my goals. It has also helped me to realize that the Lord is merciful and constant and longsuffering more than I deserve. I'm motivated by His love for me, His blessings, and the wisdom He imparts through the Holy Ghost. I am also more aware of the beauty of the atonement at work in a way I've never before experienced. I'm so glad you keep trying. You are a wonderful force for good and know that I love you!

Bill and Alice Johnson said...

The Lord expects us to love ourselves, and in Leviticus it says Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself! If HE is your Father in Heaven, then you are SPECIAL!

(Ditch the dark background on the blog ASAP- no esta bueno!!!)

Chocolate Inspector said...

Hey Jill, that is a personal subject, but one that most women can relate with. As a teenager I had zero self esteem. I had a YW in Excellence goal I chose that had me look in the mirror and say "I am Beautiful". That was so hard just to look at myself. I didn't believe it at the time. But it got easier. So I know that will help and you've already got it on your list. That book sounds awesome. We all have our reasons of why we act or react to things. Putting on your OWN lotion made me laugh. We do so much for others that sometimes we don't have enough to give. But I have learned that I can't over-do. It's okay to say no to something, even if you want to do it. When you find you don't have time to put on lotion, do your hair, trim your nails (those girly essentials), it's time to cut back your schedule. Well, that works for me anyway.