Help outfit Michael, Sarah, and John

Monday, August 12, 2013

Spiritual Insights

My favorite gift that I have received is the gift of the Holy Ghost. I received this gift when I was baptized and confirmed, at the age of 8. I am grateful to have this precious comforter with me and for the truths that I gain through the Spirit. This morning I woke up with the thought to jot down some of my recent insights. Perhaps they will be of use to you.

Recently, I was driving...somewhere...and a thought was opened up in my mind to me. I was in heaven and was asking Heavenly Father what I could do to be the most helpful to others during my time on the earth. The answer was to pass through many trials and then empathize and uplift other people who experience similar trials. The more trials I go through = the more people I can help. I replied that that was what I wanted to do. And pass through trials, I have: parents divorced, obesity and all the trials that accompany it, low self esteem, rape, infertility, 6 surgeries, children with special needs, FAS, living away from family...and who knows what else is in store? This vision or series of thoughts has given me some things to consider. I believe that I chose to experience hard things. And also, I feel like that vision gave me greater insight to who I am as a person. I love to help people. I enjoy it so much. And I feel like that is who I am as a person and now, I feel like that is who my spirit has always been. And that makes me smile.

The other night, I was at Activity Days with Iryna. I am her *aid* and go with her to help her participate, despite her challenges. As I watched her there, a thought was opened up in my mind again. It had to do with Iryna knowingly choosing to have the body she has. We are only on the earth once, to prove ourselves worthy to return back to Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ. This is our one chance, and Iryna agreed to have a body with FAS, a body with permanent brain damage through no fault of her own. She said YES to that. What a special spirit she must be to take on such a challenge. And a follow on thought was that it's my responsibility to help her through this life with these challenges. And that she looks to me to help her accomplish her work on the earth.

Tyler and I have been fasting and praying about more children that need to come to our family. We know that our family is not complete. We are currently developing a plan that includes a goal weight to begin trying to conceive another child. I have been blessed with priesthood blessings that I will give birth again - a blessing that I have wanted for several years. Now I am having success in weight loss and I know that if I continue losing weight, a pregnancy is more possible. Tyler and I have talked about my getting down to 250 pounds and then praying to conceive not just one child, but two (twins) to add to our family. I am getting older - I will be 35 next month (small and expensive gifts, please) and I have some fears associated with it all. First of all, there is a desire to lose weight fast - losing weight has always been difficult, and then to become pregnant with twins - no small feat and will be difficult. So, I feel like I am heading up not just one mountain, but two:

It seems overwhelming, albeit full of blessings. And there are fears of being older when I give birth, being an older parent, already having 5 kids, expenses, etc. Granted, we have not prayed about this plan to see if it is acceptable to the Lord (yet), but we generally feel good about this plan so far. This leads me to last week...I was feeling stressed about it. Up until this point in my life, I have not shared my fears with Heavenly Father through prayer. It is not something that I do in prayer. I generally ask for help with various things, but never have I simply said: "This scares me. I don't know if I can do it." That sort of thing. But, last week I decided to do just that. I poured out my thoughts and fears...not one second after I said the words, I felt the Holy Ghost tell me that God would help me through these trials. That I had already accomplished big things in my life and I could do this as well. It was such a comfort to me. I believe that I will try to share my fears with God more often. And I am so blessed that I know how to receive answers from prayer. God does speak with us. Prayer is not a one-way communication. I know that He cares about me and wants to communicate with me. And for that, I am grateful.


Johanna said...

This is a great post! I think we will all be a bit surprised when we can remember the preexistence and understand more fully the trials and challenges we faced here on earth. Thanks for sharing!

Kirsti said...

Thank you for sharing this, cuz! I needed this strength today. Love you and your family. Lots of prayers and hopes for your goals to come to fruition soon!

S Tudor said...

Thank you for sharing!! How is your weight loss going and what are you doing to lose the weight? I currently am on a journey to lose at least 120 pounds. I am two months in to changing my eating and only two weeks into working out. I'm down about 15 pounds but wish it was coming off much faster. I would love to see some of the things you are doing, what you are eating, etc. It helps to not feel so alone on my journey. Good luck to you in yours!!

Annie said...

Great goals! Good luck with those. I am wondering exactly how you will arrange twins... :) I know, I know. With God nothing is impossible.

Looking forward to seeing the blessings in store for you. You have endured many trials well and have and will be an inspiration to many around you!

I still need to locate that book - I don't know where it went, but I think it would help in your weight loss. This may not be encouraging, but I have heard that rapid weight loss isn't the way to go. Slow and steady helps your body adjust properly to the changes. If you do achieve rapid weight loss, you are more likely to gain it back quickly and maybe even more if you don't maintain whatever strict regimen that brought the weight loss. Anyway, just be patient. Things take time.

Sylvia said...

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts - I am guessing they weren't easy, but I sure did need to hear them - thank you! While I'm not always so eager to be the one to have to endure some of the trials that I have, I am grateful for the glimpses that show me that I am breaking the cycle of abuse, stopping it (or doing my very best to stop it) from polluting my children's live and onward. Tough times, but good to know Heavenly Father feels me capable of this task. :)

Love you dear Warrior Sister!!