Help outfit Michael, Sarah, and John

Saturday, March 03, 2007

I Reserve The Right

I reserve the right to be in a bad mood even if I don't know exactly how I got into it or further, for how long I will remain in that bad mood. Enough said.

Today Tyler went to Columbus to work with his group on their project which is due next week. He was gone until about 3pm. Anna wanted to Leia to come over & play, which she did until 4:30pm. The girls had a good time, except for when they decided to cheat to win on certain games such as "PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS" (Leia) & "CHUTES & LADDERS" (Anna). *sigh* But they had a good time playing for the rest of the time. =)

Tyler & I had a conversation concerning our notes from the Marriage Fireside. It got me thinking that I would really like to be courted more by my husband. I'm curious to know what your definition of "Courting" is, please leave a comment on it. My husband thinks that courting means we spend time together at home. My idea of courting involves planned and usually involving activities OUTSIDE the home. We also discussed the idea of being "wooed." How do you feel "wooed?" My sweet husband thinks it involves kind acts of service. He's very good to me in that way. But for some reason I seem to think that being "wooed" involves flowers, small gifts, getaways, unexpected surprises, etc. Do I expect too much? Honestly, up until now I never considered what I wanted (or was getting) in the courting/wooing area of marriage. And now that I've thought about it--I hope we can make some changes that are satisfactory to both my husband & myself. Any experiences that you've had with this particular topic?? Anyone???

Anyhow, I think my bad mood today was from the previously mentioned topic, and therefore I was in a pretty good snit. I wanted to play some games with another couple, but I was frustrated that we couldn't find anyone to play with...then I became frustrated that no one really calls us to hang out(Melisa, I really needed you guys tonight!!!)...and then I realized that I was STARVING because I hadn't really eaten all day....not good considering the fact I was already in a poopy mood. SO, my sweet husband, wanting to please his wife, took Anna & I out to Chili's for dinner. It was SO good, and not making dinner was nice too! Then we came home, read scriptures, prayed, Tyler put Anna to bed, I made us some nice green juices (cucumber, green pepper, celery, romaine lettuce & spinach = YUM!) Of course the green juices was meant to counteract the nice fried Chicken Crispers that I had for dinner, not to mention the molten lava cake....mmmmmmmmm.

So, I'm much more recovered from my snit earlier...but I reserve the right to return to it, if I feel so inclined. After all, I AM WOMAN.


Anonymous said...

Be careful, when you reserve the right to be in a mood (which is OK), you also by definition are allowing the man in your life to claim equal opportunity to be in a mood. Maybe I know about those from too much personal experience ;) I realize that Tyler is pretty even-keeled, but you never know what you might get at an inopportune moment. I also realize that one can't always control the mood, or even explain how you got there. That's real life. That's being human. Possibly I'm revealing my immaturity, but I dare anyone to try to outdo me in a bad mood or the silent treatment. You know, I was in a bad mood for like 10 or 15 years, and held a grudge against my brother for 15 years for something stupid he did when he was one year old. (OK, 1.5 years old).

Summary: if all is fair in true love and war, and you reserve the right to have a mood, and to not have to explain it or answer to it (are you also reserving the right to treat people poorly while in such a mood? ), then you have no right to expect anything better from anyone else, and you can't hold them to the ideal of being perfectly understanding and forgiving. And please be careful if you argue and toss stuff out at the other person that falls in this category. Do it once, and it becomes fair and reciprocal behavior. That's why we set limits. Now, if you're ready and willing to live with the possibilites....

On "courting," I always considered it dating, specifically before marriage, but in further consideration, I think dating after marriage (to one's spouse...duh) is still courting. And "dating" can be whatever the two of you decide it is. I do think it needs to be time set aside, or time you can both be less formal (impulsive) and agree to do anything together. That means I think it CAN be staying at home for a movie if that's what both of you want or are agreeable to, so long as neither of you feels manipulated to say yes, especially if/when one of you has another obligation to attend to. For me, that includes homework, job work, chores, etc.

My definition of the word "woo" is that it is anything you do for your loved one(s) that you don't have to do, that's not expected, and when you don't expect anything in return. That pretty much opens the gamut up to anything. I specifically think it involves getting inside the other person's head to do something that person will appreciate, and not doing something because that's what you would appreciate. It seems to be common sensical that women expect men to woo them. But if all IS fair in true love, men probably deserve to be wooed by their women as well. At least I, as a man, would like to wooed. Maybe other men would disagree with me. Who knows?

Anyway, you've given me something to think about. I hope this all made sense. 'Til next time...


Anonymous said...

Hi Jill,

It sounds like you and Tyler have different love languages--which is VERY common. There is an excellent book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. The languages are 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Quality Time, 3. Receiving Gifts, 4. Acts of Service, 5. Physical Touch. (I have it, if you'd like to borrow it., or I'm sure it's in the library.)

A man might have Acts of Service and Physical Touch as his primary love languages. That's how he naturally communicates love, but that's also how he perceives love. If the wife's main language is "Words of affirmation," she might be dying to have a wonderfully endearing conversation with him. He might spend an hour touching her and not saying anything. He may feel loved during that time, but she might just feel used because he's not communicating in her language, and she thinks he's just satisfying his own needs.

So, the neat thing about the book is to find out about each other's languages and help the other person feel loved. At the same time tell the other person what you need to feel loved. It works!

Also, something that really helps is to say "On a scale of 1-10 how badly do you want to do___ tonight? If, for instance, you're going to a movie with your honey just because you think he wants to, well he might be going just because he thinks you want to. Ask how badly he wants to go, and if he's a 3 and you're a 2, you both would be happier doing something else. If he's an 8 and you're a 5 going would more likely be a good thing.

Love, Kathey

Nina said...

My idea of being courted or wooed is for my husband to take me shopping! He buys me computers and toys and then sets everything up for me. I'm sorry this probably won't be very helpful to you.