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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Back to reality of special needs

Guess what? I have two special needs children. You already knew that? Well, sometimes I forget until I'm reminded.

Last night after I put the twins down to bed (separate rooms), I heard Keithy crying - note, he doesn't ever cry when I put him to bed so something was up. I went in and he was very upset, so I decided to rock him on the recliner in his room - something that I used to do a lot, but I've been slacking on it. I picked him up and held him close to me - cheek-on-cheek - and rocked him, humming a song. He goes crazy (guilt trip: it's my fault for not doing this more often) and starts kicking me, hitting me, contorting his body into all sorts of positions, and he was screaming in my ears. I continued rocking and humming with him, while gently reminding him that it's not okay to hit or kick mama (or himself). This went on for 30 minutes before he finally calmed down and we were able to talk. As much as I could tell, he was unhappy about going to bed and he wanted to either jump on the trampoline or swim in the pool. I reminded him that it was late and so I put him down.

After putting him in his bed and closing the door, Anna came up to me wanting something and I just said: "Mama is done for the day." Thankfully, daddy was home and he could take over. It is so emotionally exhausting to be sweet and kind and put up with all that crud at the same time. Poor Keith. I don't know what he went through in the orphanage - or for those first 4 months that he was home with his bio mom - but he has trouble being physically close to people, including his family who loves him. He doesn't like close contact and he resists it. Iryna is the same way, but she will only fight it for a few minutes and then allow it - Keith resists until his whole body is so tired that he can't resist it anymore.

Anyhow, it was just a reminder that my kids demand need more from me and I need to do more to meet their needs. It's just tough to be a supermama.


Brianne said...

=( It sounds like it's pretty hard...but the Lord wanted you to be their mom, so even though it's hard, remember that. You're the best one for the job =)

Diana said...

Yes, indeed it is VERY hard to be a super mama. Trauma stinks!! There are still many days in which I'm very glad tickets to Ukraine are so expensive. It prevents me from hopping a plane and knocking a few heads together and screaming "What were you thinking?? Oh, that's right, you WEREN'T!!!"

My youngest has already been with us longer than he was in Ukraine with anyone. But the scars he carries from the intense hurt and loss he experienced there still dominate his world. I can't even begin to wrap my head around people treating kids like that.

Josh & Adrienne McElwain said...

It's true! I am glad you have the patents to do what you do! I have several siblings (with which we are currently living) who are big enough to actually cause serious damage and have these same issues. It's really hard most days to watch as they have melt downs and random spurts of anger. My one sister ran away 3 times last week, three sleepless nights combing the fields looking for her, three times my parents picked her up from the police station... three times my mom went to bed crying she isn't sure what she can do. The councilors have been working for 7 years to correct what was messed up in the first 6 months of her life. It's just so hard all you can do is hum and rock some days. And, pray that love will be enough... but for those occasions in which it's not, you pray you have the strength to go on. I hope by the time your children are in their teens, your family and councilors have been able to help them overcome those few short and traumatic years that may haunt them forever.

MoonDog said...

ddo the kids have a sensory diet? it might help if they have sensory issues. hugs and kisses and even laying a hand on the back of his neck sends Ethan either into hysterics or collapses into fits of giggles. he is just SO TICKLISH and sensory avoidant in those ways(sensory seeking in others) often kids with sensory problems feel a gentle touch as a full on assault. at any rate, you are a good Mama to work so hard to care for them even when Mama is exhausted.

Sarah C said...

You are a SUPER MAMA! Your children are special. They are so sweet. They are very blessed to have a wonderful mom.