Help outfit Michael, Sarah, and John

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Day to day

Silas hates the pool. Hates it. I keep thinking he will like it, but not yet. We swam this morning and he was super ultra clingy. As far as our attachment goes, we are getting closer. He is excited to see me and will still play with me when Daddy is home - provided that Daddy is busy with something else...and I am getting better with not being jealous of Silas preferring his Daddy. (2 points for me!) Silas still naps daily for about 2 hours. This is my time to (try to) decompress. Silas wakes up happy and ready to play. Silas does not know how to eat small portions. If I am not right by him anytime he is eating then he stuffs his mouth, gags, and spits it out. Gross. And frustrating that he isn't catching on that putting too much food in at one time is the problem. Please let him catch on! Silas enjoys carrying around his jeans and watching Signing Times and Baby Einstein.

Calvin is enjoying the pool know. Woo-hoo! He gets in an inner tube and goes down the slide over and over. He loves it and asks to swim everyday. His vocabulary is increasing daily. I just asked him a question and he said: "What?" So cute. Calvin wants to go places everyday. In the morning he asks when he's going "bye-bye" and I either tell him now or later. I think he is bored a lot during the day. He is accustomed to playing with children his own age everyday, all day. Silas isn't 5 years old and the older three are at school. I wonder if having everyone home in the summer will help? Calvin is very attached. I show him love and affection often and he just soaks it up. Calvin enjoys puzzles, coloring, and watching "Buzz buzz" -> The Bee Movie, Blue's Clues, and Toy Story.

Iryna is doing well on the prozac and vyvanse. She still loves having Calvin as her brother, but they struggle being together at times. Iryna swings between loving Calvin and saying that he isn't her friend. We are working with her. She has been keeping her hair up everyday - hooray! - and is becoming more responsible. She wants for me to call her "Mario" and I agree so long as she is doing what I ask, ie, get out of bed, put your shoes on, Mario, etc. Iryna has taken an interest in puzzles, thanks to Calvin. Iryna still loves playing mario kart, but prefers to play either alone or with Calvin. We are working with Iryna to gain 2 pounds so she can move up to the "big girl" seat belt on the bus. She is trying hard to eat her food. Such a sweet girl.

Keith is still obsessed with airplanes, helicopters, and rockets. His birthday is coming up and we're trying to set up a helicopter ride for him or, at the very least, allow him to go inside a real helicopter and look around. Being in the AF, this should be possible. (I hope!) I am working with Keith on basic skills, such as being able to button/unbutton his shirt and put his shoes on the right feet. This morning he was pretty emotional as he struggled to button 2 buttons on his shirt - I did the others. After a lot of crying and whining, he managed to do it. I hope he will continue to improve. I am told by his teacher that he is learning to count things by sight, which is great! His bowels are still plugged and we are working to keep him moving so he's not in pain. 

Anna is doing well at school. Her best friend, Rebecca, is leaving for the summer so that is sad for Anna, as we are moving in August - so they won't have much time together before then. Anna is progressing on the piano, although she asks me each week if she can quit. I tell her that when she turns 18, she can stop. (sound familiar, mom?) Anna has also been part of a choir at the school and I am thrilled that Anna volunteered and got a solo part in the upcoming choir concert. Her confidence is rising in her musical ability and that makes me so proud - as it comes from me (well, from Heavenly Father, but He gave it to me and she has it from me). Anna recently finished reading the Book of Mormon and is now reading the New Testament. She is in Luke right now, reading everyday at 6am. I love her determination and her early morning habits. 

Tyler just finished up one softball season with the church and is now doing an AF softball team. This week he has 3 nights dedicated to softball, plus the waves are nice so he went surfing this morning and plans to go again after work. I am supportive in his exercise ventures. And I am super grateful to him for working to provide for our family and it is often that he does laundry and dishes for me. He is amazing. I could not do what I am doing without him. I am grateful that God blessed me to be his wife. Truly. 

Sometimes I feel like things are manageable and other times not-so-much. I feel overwhelmed, depressed, stressed, tired, frustrated. My eating is out of control. I try to think about how long I've waited for Calvin and Silas to be home and now they are here! But when Calvin repeatedly does something I've asked him not to do and when Silas throws yet another tantrum...I will admit that I struggle in thinking positively. Everyday I pray for patience and everyday I make mistakes. I want to do better and often I feel as though I'm not making any progress. I still lose my temper. I still get worn down and at the end of day I cannot offer much sympathy or help to anyone. I feel bad that when my husband gets home I have already had it with the children and want some relief as opposed to greeting him in a happy tone and helping him with whatever he needs. I think that it boils down to three things:

  1. I need more alone time
  2. My house is a disaster 90% of the time
  3. I am not fully adjusted to having 5 children - especially with a VERY whiny/screaming/fussing 2 year-old. 

Whenever I see my husband or Anna being sweet to Silas (when he's whining), it makes me wonder what my deal is? He is adorable and I love him, but when he whines - I am only frustrated. I don't feel compassion - unless he is hurt - just frustration. He is only 2 - I get that mentally, but my emotions go into overdrive when he is whining and crying 5-6x per hour. I thought that maybe Silas was just that way with me, but yesterday I was putting laundry away after Tyler got home, and I heard him in the kitchen telling Silas over and over and over not to to touch this or that and Silas was whining up a storm. It's nice to know that Tyler can experience what I experience all day, everyday, although I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Mother's Day is coming up. I wish it were here today - I need a break. The only thing I have asked for from my family is that on Sunday I have a clean house. That's all I want - a clean house. Not just tidy, but CLEAN. I am also preparing something special on the menu...not sure what, yet. I would rather cook and have a clean house than have a dirty house and have Tyler cook. I'd like to know what others are doing to celebrate Mother's Day?


Rebecca said...

The whining may be an age thing. My baby is 2 and she has begun to whine a lot! This week has been really bad for me with her whining. Today she spent 30 minutes whining and crying because I said she could not have an orange vitamin (she'd already had one). It was ugly. And it is a new enough behavior, that I haven't figured out the best way to deal with it. I confess that today, after she screamed at me that she wanted a vitamin, I screamed right back that she couldn't. Sigh.

On the plus side, This too shall pass! Hang in there, you are doing a great job!

shannon said...

Oh Jill! I just can relate to your post SO much! Having any children is a LOT of work, but 5 is a new adventure! Do you remember me constantly stressed and tired in Ohio? ;) Welcome to the 5 club! Ha ha. Just remember you are capable, talented, and qualified to be the Mother you want to be. God works through our children to bring out the best in us...I firmly belive that my kids each have things to teach me that only I can learn from them. It has been frustrating, weary, and I've felt haggard and overwhelmed, let alone impatient and callous many times....but I realize that it's all about growth. The Lord understands our hearts, our desires, and our current limits. He isn't asking us to be perfect now, but over time. Line upon line, day after day...sometimes it's only after a long, hard fought with patience gained and wisdom applied that we realize we have arrived!
I feel for you cause I know how I felt, even though my children aren't adopted. I remember always wanting to be happy and have energy and control over my cravings, but it was SO hard! Especially when the kids would test me every moment it seemed I would just wish myself somewhere else, kid free and quiet, and with lots of chocolate! ;)
It has been a year now that I've finally felt like me again, happy, motivated, healthy, in control of my cravings, able to deal with my stressers, recognize them and not react to them but remindmyself what my goals are and try my best to reach for those goals.
I know the Lord is mindful of you---he always was/is of me---it'ssoimportant to make time for yourselfjust as you've already recognized, so that you can really appreciate the blessings you are so abundantly given. It's hard to see that when we are maxed out! I love you! There really is a light at the end of the tunnel!;)