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Thursday, November 07, 2013

Learning to trust God


For the past few years, there has been a recurring thought in my mind. It sort of goes like this: Why am I living here, in this house, with this family, with this husband, with this wealth, with knowledge of God instead of out in the jungle, poverty-stricken, alone, and without a knowledge of God? God has so many children - as all of us are His children - and there are many children of His who have lived in such difficult circumstances throughout the ages of time. So, why am I here, now, and living the blessed life that I lead? This is not a complaint or anything - just wondering WHY I have so much when others have so LITTLE. I know of families with more children than we have and they live in a smaller house. I see other families living paycheck to paycheck and I reflect on how we are able to pay our bills. I know that life isn't fair, but I guess I wonder what I have done to deserve(?) the life I have. I have been given much. 

This morning, in my foggy brain (yes, I am STILL not feeling 100% yet) the thought came to me:

You need to TRUST GOD that He put you where He wanted you to be. 

This was one of those "A-ha!" moments. I had been pondering this idea for YEARS and then my mind was opened up to the answer through the Holy Ghost. I realized that my trust in God wasn't as strong as it should be or needs to be. Of course, if you were to ask me if I trusted that God knows best, I would answer YES. So, looking back it seems rather silly that I would almost mourn my blessings because I felt someone else deserved them MORE. 

Additionally, I recognize that with many blessings, we are asked to give to others. I must say that I enjoy this so much. I get giddy with opportunities to help others. I love sending packages. I love writing notes. I enjoy sending encouraging texts and messages to other people. I love doing kind acts of service for my family. I would love to have $$$$$ and to be that anonymous donor to help others. I would love to be able to adopt every children who needed a home. In fact, I have this dream to own a Russian or Ukrainian orphanage and fill the lives of those children with music and learning and love and God. I want to help those who are suffering, to let them know that there is HOPE and that I want to help them find it. Perhaps my strong desire to help others has influenced God's decision to put me where I am?

I hope this all makes sense. If you were here in person, I could try to share these thoughts in another way, or I could have Tyler translate for me. He is rather skilled at relaying information in an easy-to-understand way. But for now, this blogpost sufficeth me. I welcome your thoughts. 

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

I so understand what you are saying! Sometimes I feel guilty that I have a great life that is tragedy-free and nearly perfect. I finally decided that maybe my job was to be the helper to others who were enduring tragedies and hard stuff. I have tried harder to look for opportunities to serve others and to love them and support them in difficult times. (I'm pretty sure I fall woefully short, but that's my goal!)

Annie said...

Makes sense to me! You ARE here at this time for a special purpose and mission. And you're succeeding! I think it's pretty easy to trust God when things are going well. It's when things are tough that it's hard to see beyond those trials. But if you can have hope and trust, despite what's going on, then you can be that light for those around you who are less fortunate or can't see the light.